Self-evaluation is one of the hardest things to do. Do you agree? And it is even harder if you need to do it purposely.
In my experience, during the quarterly evaluations in the office, I can fill the activities and initiatives portion in thirty minutes, but the personal evaluation part takes me the rest of the day, sometimes, even more days. I might be taking it very seriously but we all know how easy it is to give feedback to others, but to ourselves, is an entirely different story.
What Does it Mean to Be Self Aware?
Self-awareness is the ability to observe your emotions, behaviors, actions, physical sensations, habits, and thoughts. It is about being able to perceive yourself the way others would do it. It is about focusing on yourself and knowing more about your inner-self with an open mind and heart. It requires true honesty towards yourself and removing all the biases that you might have in favor or against yourself.
Why Self Awareness Matters?
I cannot deny that there has been a lot of instances where I became mad at someone for a reason that I do not personally know. I cannot just claim it’s just a blow up because there must be something within me that triggered the reaction at that very moment. These types of reactions could lead to serious conflicts, and even broken relationships. There are also important decisions day by day that you have to make which can have lasting impact. These are among the scenarios where I would say self-awareness will be of great help. You will be able to observe if you are starting to get really mad and manage your reactions before it blows-up. You will be able to cope-up and give yourself the necessary relief before you end up in depression. It helps you overcome bigger struggles, especially when dealing with high-pressure environments where you are vulnerable to emotional distress. It helps you come up with more solid decisions without compromising your feelings and considering your wholeness.
According to Daniel Coleman, self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence –a capacity to recognize your feelings as they occur. This is the secret to understanding ourselves better and unlocks our capacity to manage our thoughts, emotions and behavior as they come.
Being a Better Self Critic
We are often the harshest critic to ourselves, and I would like to start by making you realize that being self-aware is not about just trying to notice what is wrong with you. Your observations doesn’t have to be negative, otherwise, you might see your self as someone unlovable. Note that your main goal is to know yourself better.
Here are six things to keep in mind:
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Take a Step Back
Taking some time away from the noise of your everyday life is the best way to gain perspective. An athlete would typically watch the video coverage of his previous game – something that he cannot do while he is inside the field. A writer would typically stop writing, review his draft -one after another, to find errors that he might have not seen while writing.
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Be Objective
Try evaluate yourself based on the most recent experiences that you have. As much as possible, do not let your emotions drive you. Consider remembering the words that you said and the actions that you did, then recall how the people around you responded on these. Try not to reason out or defend yourself to yourself because after all, you are trying to evaluate yourself ! – not your enemy.
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Acceptance is Important
Acceptance is the key. Acknowledge that self awareness is an active process and you cannot take steps to improve yourself without being resolved that there are things that needs to be changed. Recognize that some action items needs to be taken but don’t forget to be compassionate to yourself.
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Take Notes
Yes, it’s 2018! But believe me, writing your thoughts about yourself helps. It is a great way to establish a connection to yourself and makes sure that your observations are not forgotten. It will be fulfilling in the future if you will look back on this list and see what things you’ve already overcome and you will definitely feel better about yourself.
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Ask the Right Questions
Once you notice that your inner critic become too negative, try asking yourself, “What do I need to do differently?”. You don’t have to explain every behavior that you have observed. Listen to your gut-feeling and if you think the behavior, thought, or emotion is wrong, try asking the question again and figure out an answer. Just a note, you don’t have to rush.
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Ask for Feedback
Now that you have seen yourself in a different perspective, try to gain more perspectives by asking how others think of you. You just have to make sure that the person that you will approach has a genuine desire to help you become a better person. This helps you validate your observations and balance your perceptions about yourself with how others perceive you. Take the 360 reviews from your organizations seriously and try to take advantage of the feedback sessions that you have to attend.
Act on it
Ultimately, it is not enough to just be a critic. Try to make small adjustments as much as possible to improve yourself. Again, don’t rush. It’s a process and it might take a long time. Continue keeping track of the improvements that you’ve made to keep you motivated, keeping in mind that success comes one step at a time. Being the better version of oneself is always a goal and like every goal, it takes a good amount of courage to do something to make it a reality.