The holiday season is upon us! It’s the time for family reunions, friend meetups, and year-end parties at work. But let’s admit it: along with the festive cheer comes the sometimes awkward small talk and unsolicited comments—the kind that can leave some of us retreating to the nearest quiet corner. As someone who’s spent years organizing events and building connections, I’ve picked up a few tips to help make gatherings more enjoyable for everyone. Let’s talk about how we can celebrate the true essence of the season: meaningful connections, while respecting everyone’s social battery.
1. Smalltalk? Be Mindful of the Questions You Ask
Picture this: it’s a family gathering. You’re happily enjoying your pancit, lumpiang shanghai, cordon bleau and hamon, when the inevitable barrage of questions starts rolling in:
- “Kailan ka mag-aasawa?” (When are you getting married?)
- “Magkano na sweldo mo sa bagong trabaho?” (How much is your salary at your new job?)
- “Wala pa bang baby?” (Still no baby?)
While often well-meaning or meant to be just conversation-starters, these questions can feel intrusive or even stressful. Instead, try open-ended questions that invite sharing without pressure, like:
- “What’s been keeping you busy lately?”
- “Any highlights from your year that you’d like to share?”
These questions leave room for the other person to decide how much they want to share, fostering a more comfortable and genuine conversation.
2. Choose Your Language Carefully
We love humor—sometimes to the point of teasing. But in social gatherings, a joke taken the wrong way can dampen the mood. Before cracking that joke about someone gaining weight or staying single, think twice. Words have the power to lift spirits or bring people down, so choose uplifting language that celebrates people for who they are.
For example, instead of saying: “Uy, tumaba ka ah!” (Wow, you gained weight!) try “Ang blooming mo ngayon!” (You’re glowing!)
A little kindness goes a long way in making others feel seen and appreciated.
3. Respect Personal Space
Not everyone thrives in the spotlight or enjoys being the center of attention. There is almost always someone who tends to call out a person’s name for a round of karaoke or force them to join a group game. While these gestures are often meant to include, they can sometimes overwhelm.
A great way to strike a balance is by offering an invitation instead of insisting. For example: “Would you like to join us for karaoke? No pressure!”
This way, you’re encouraging participation without making anyone feel forced. And if someone steps away from the crowd to recharge, let them be. It’s not a sign of being antisocial; it’s a sign they value their energy.
4. Set Proper Expectations
Whether you’re hosting or attending a gathering, setting expectations can help avoid unnecessary tension. If you’re hosting, let your guests know what to expect. For example, will it be a sit-down dinner or a casual potluck? Is there a dress code (e.g., ugly Christmas sweaters)? Are there planned activities or is it free-flowing?
For professional settings, clarify the tone of the event. Is it a formal recognition ceremony or a laid-back year-end hangout? When people know what’s coming, they can prepare themselves mentally and emotionally.
… and on presents
Presents often come with unspoken expectations, but let’s remember that life is hard for many these days. Not everyone can afford extravagant gifts, and that’s okay. Whether you’re giving or receiving, focus on the thought and effort behind the gift rather than its monetary value.
If you’re organizing a gift exchange, consider setting a reasonable budget or even encouraging DIY or heartfelt tokens. This way, everyone can participate without feeling pressured. And if someone shows up without a gift, let’s not make a big deal of it—kindness and understanding are the best gifts we can give.
5. Celebrate Differences
Not everyone has the same preferences when it comes to socializing. Some people thrive in large crowds, while others prefer intimate conversations. Some love dancing the night away, while others are content sipping their drinks in a quiet corner. Respect these differences and create an inclusive environment where everyone feels comfortable.
If you’re organizing activities, include a mix that caters to different personalities. For example, you could have a lively parlor game for extroverts and a chill photo booth for introverts.
Don’t Lose Sight of the True Essence
Sometimes we get so caught up in the preparations—the food, the decor, the program—that we forget the real reason we’re gathered: to connect. It’s not about impressing others with how perfect the lechon is or how grand the venue looks. It’s about appreciating each other’s presence.
Take a moment during the gathering to step back and soak in the joy of being together. Whether it’s a heartfelt conversation with a cousin you haven’t seen all year, or sharing a laugh with colleagues over Secret Santa gifts, these are the moments that truly matter.
Ultimately, mindfulness is about being present in the moment. The holidays are a time for connection, joy, and gratitude. Let’s strive to be there for each other, enjoying each other’s presence, while being considerate of each other’s boundaries and social batteries. By doing this, we foster an environment where everyone feels valued. By being intentional with our words, actions, and attitudes, we can ensure that our gatherings—whether with family, friends, or colleagues—become a source of warmth and happiness.
So this holiday season, let’s eat, laugh, and connect… just don’t forget to let people recharge their social batteries too!